Helping a Child Impacted by Trauma and Abuse

WHAT IS TRAUMA?

Unfortunately traumatic events can happen to anyone, including children.  Some experiences happen once throughout childhood while other events continue to occur on multiple occasions.  The event impacts a child differently depending on their developmental age and other factors. 

Trauma occurs when we become overwhelmed by the impact of the events and struggle to use our usual coping skills. 
These are some examples of traumatic events:

• Car accident
• Abuse or neglect
• Death or loss of a loved one
• Death or loss of a pet
• Life-threatening health situations and/or painful medical procedures
• Seeing a parent or family member get hit or hurt
• Witnessing police activity or having a close relative incarcerated
• Being placed in multiple homes or placements away from family
  
  

It is important to know that there are many normal responses to any traumatic situation.  It is also important to know that some children may not show their grief at all.  Below are some examples of behaviors you may observe of grief and trauma at a given age.

Age Common Observations
2-5 years (pre-school)

• Anxiety or clinginess towards primary caregivers and trusted adults
• Regression in earlier learned stages of development (i.e., baby talk, bedwetting, etc.)
• Lack of progress in learning new developmental milestones
• Increased distress (i.e. unusually whiny, irritable, moody)
• Increased physical complaints (i.e., headaches, stomach aches or overacting to minor bumps or bruises)
• New fears and increased anxiety, fear or worry about safety of self and others

6-12 years (elementary school)

• Increased anxiety, fear or worry about safety of self and others, being more clingy with parent or trusted caregiver
• Worry about reoccurrence of violence
• Re-creating the event by playing out, talking about or drawing about
• Re-experiencing the trauma through nightmares or memories
• Avoidance behaviors (resisting to go places that remind them of the event)
• Emotional numbing (seeming to have no feeling about the event)
• A change in ability to interpret and respond to social cues
• Distrust of others, affecting how children interact with both adults and peers

12 – 19 years (middle school & high school)

• Worry about the recurrence of consequences of violence
• Changes in behavior (i.e., withdrawal from friends, change in school performance, inability to concentrate, increased risk-taking, loss of appetite)
• Increased risk of substance use
• Over or under-reacting to noises and sudden movements
• Trouble sleeping
• Increased difficulty with authority, redirection or criticism
• Discussion of the events and reviewing of details
• Repetitive thoughts and comments about death or dying (including suicidal thoughts, writing, art)
• Avoidance behaviors (resisting to go places that remind them of the event)
• Emotional numbing (seeming to have no feeling about the event)

 
How can you help your child?

• Offer opportunities to talk about death and loss and trauma as they experience it in everyday life. Reassure children that they are safe. 
• Share your expressions of sadness and pain. 
• Be available to listen to your child.  They may repeat their story numerous times, this is ok. 
• Pay attention to a child’s behavior and let them know when you notice a change. 
• Answer all questions as honestly as possible.  Check to see what they know about the event and find out their perceptions. Don’t jump to conclusions.  
• Be willing to wonder and explore answers to their questions. If you don’t know an answer, that is ok, just be truthful. 
• Face your own feelings of grief or trauma. 
• Do not isolate or insulate children from grief.  Grief is normal. 
• Continue to expect a child to function.  Be firm, yet gentle and kind. Help them keep a “normal” routine as much as possible. 
• Find help for children who need it. Counseling may be a supportive option.
  
  

Children will recover at different paces from the fear and anxiety caused by a traumatic experience.  It will depend on the age, type of support and the stability in their lives.  Anniversaries or other triggers can act as reminders to a child, causing a reoccurrence of feelings or behaviors.

Remember to be available long after you think they “should be over it.”

Adapted from The National Child Traumatic Stress Network, the Consortium of Trauma, Illness & Grief and Laura Bray Harting , The Center for Living with Loss