WHAT IS TRAUMA?

Unfortunately traumatic events can happen to anyone, including children.  Some experiences happen once throughout childhood while other events continue to occur on multiple occasions.  The event impacts a child differently depending on their developmental age and other factors. 

Trauma occurs when we become overwhelmed by the impact of the events and struggle to use our usual coping skills. 
These are some examples of traumatic events:

• Car accident
• Abuse or neglect
• Death or loss of a loved one
• Death or loss of a pet
• Life-threatening health situations and/or painful medical procedures
• Seeing a parent or family member get hit or hurt
• Witnessing police activity or having a close relative incarcerated
• Being placed in multiple homes or placements away from family
  
  

It is important to know that there are many normal responses to any traumatic situation.  It is also important to know that some children may not show their grief at all.  Below are some examples of behaviors you may observe of grief and trauma at a given age.

Age Common Observations
2-5 years (pre-school)

• Anxiety or clinginess towards primary caregivers and trusted adults
• Regression in earlier learned stages of development (i.e., baby talk, bedwetting, etc.)
• Lack of progress in learning new developmental milestones
• Increased distress (i.e. unusually whiny, irritable, moody)
• Increased physical complaints (i.e., headaches, stomach aches or overacting to minor bumps or bruises)
• New fears and increased anxiety, fear or worry about safety of self and others

6-12 years (elementary school)

• Increased anxiety, fear or worry about safety of self and others, being more clingy with parent or trusted caregiver
• Worry about reoccurrence of violence
• Re-creating the event by playing out, talking about or drawing about
• Re-experiencing the trauma through nightmares or memories
• Avoidance behaviors (resisting to go places that remind them of the event)
• Emotional numbing (seeming to have no feeling about the event)
• A change in ability to interpret and respond to social cues
• Distrust of others, affecting how children interact with both adults and peers

12 – 19 years (middle school & high school)

• Worry about the recurrence of consequences of violence
• Changes in behavior (i.e., withdrawal from friends, change in school performance, inability to concentrate, increased risk-taking, loss of appetite)
• Increased risk of substance use
• Over or under-reacting to noises and sudden movements
• Trouble sleeping
• Increased difficulty with authority, redirection or criticism
• Discussion of the events and reviewing of details
• Repetitive thoughts and comments about death or dying (including suicidal thoughts, writing, art)
• Avoidance behaviors (resisting to go places that remind them of the event)
• Emotional numbing (seeming to have no feeling about the event)

 
How can you help your child?

• Offer opportunities to talk about death and loss and trauma as they experience it in everyday life. Reassure children that they are safe. 
• Share your expressions of sadness and pain. 
• Be available to listen to your child.  They may repeat their story numerous times, this is ok. 
• Pay attention to a child’s behavior and let them know when you notice a change. 
• Answer all questions as honestly as possible.  Check to see what they know about the event and find out their perceptions. Don’t jump to conclusions.  
• Be willing to wonder and explore answers to their questions. If you don’t know an answer, that is ok, just be truthful. 
• Face your own feelings of grief or trauma. 
• Do not isolate or insulate children from grief.  Grief is normal. 
• Continue to expect a child to function.  Be firm, yet gentle and kind. Help them keep a “normal” routine as much as possible. 
• Find help for children who need it. Counseling may be a supportive option.
  
  

Children will recover at different paces from the fear and anxiety caused by a traumatic experience.  It will depend on the age, type of support and the stability in their lives.  Anniversaries or other triggers can act as reminders to a child, causing a reoccurrence of feelings or behaviors.

Remember to be available long after you think they “should be over it.”

Adapted from The National Child Traumatic Stress Network, the Consortium of Trauma, Illness & Grief and Laura Bray Harting , The Center for Living with Loss

Thirty-five yeas ago my friend, Larry Sawyer and I (the 2 Larry's) started the Over the Hill Bowl combining our passion for football with the opportunity to support the H.E.R. Shelter, a great organization that provides support to female and child victims of domestic violence here in Hampton Roads. While our football prowess has steadily diminished over the years, the tradition continues and each year old and new friends get together, play football, eat lunch and write checks to support the Shelter.  Literally, thousands of players have participated over the past 3 decades and over $200,000 has been raised for the Shelter. 

One of the chief goals we have is to increase awareness of the challenges women and children face who live in abusive situations. This past Saturday eight coed teams including the Community Solutions OTH Gang, took the field and had a full morning of touch football, lots of laughs, trophies and yes, even some education about the serious topic of domestic violence.

While Larry and I have passed the baton of organizing the Over the Hill Bowl we are confident that the new generation of volunteers will keep it going for many years to come.  Kudos to our friend Amy Harmon for volunteering to put the event together the last few years.  The Over The Hill Bowl is held the Saturday before the Super Bowl every year in Portsmouth, VA behind Churchland High School.

Anyone interested in putting a team in for the 2020 event feel free to call Community Solutions at 757-461-5098 for more information.  Prior football experience is not a prerequisite to participate in this fun event!

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA – The path to sobriety is easier to navigate thanks to the efforts of Community Solutions and their new residential treatment program – Taheima Place.

A grand opening celebration for select guest, including media, will be held Feb. 8 at the Chesapeake location from 10 am to 4 pm.

The program comes on the heels of some disturbing news. Fatal drug overdose has been the leading method of unnatural death in Virginia since 2013, according to the Virginia Department of Health.

The 30- to 60-day residential substance abuse program offers a safe, comfortable and structured living environment for men and women seeking a drug and alcohol-free life for 10 residents at a time. The program is based on the tenets of the American Society of Addiction Medicine and is capable of addressing opiate and other substance addiction, alcohol treatment and co-occurring disorders requiring a combination of substance abuse treatment alongside mental health therapies.

Clients with insurance, including Medicaid or Medicaid Expansion, have the opportunity to initiate their individual sobriety plan under the direction of trained Certified Substance Abuse Counselors and licensed counselors. The goal is for each resident to develop a realistic lifestyle plan that is implemented while onsite, and most importantly, when graduating from the program.

Unique aspects of the program are the financial planning and literacy education, as well as building a supportive network of friends and family plus connecting to people and activities that enhance the chances of a sustained recovery.

The program offers many individualized services and interventions including AA and NA group participation, individual and family therapy, nutritional and fitness sessions as well as cognitive behavioral group intervention. All this is done under medical supervision.

Residents leave the program with connections to affordable housing as well as employment preparation and career counseling. There is also follow-up care for residents to stay connected, address relapse and offer ongoing support after graduating from the program.

The center works with many organizations in the community to create success. Community partners include, but aren’t limited to, the Department of Aging & Rehabilitation Service; Eggleston Services; Job Corp; military recruiters and TowneBank.

Community Solutions also works closely with Old Dominion University, Norfolk State University, Tidewater Community College and the Virginia Tech Cooperative Extension.

Community Solutions was founded in 2000 to help create a path to a solid future by coming alongside families to overcome barriers as well as set and achieve goals. The agency has recently revamped its services and is offering even more help to the community. Other services include, but aren’t limited to after school programs, educational and parental mentoring, substance abuse services and support for foster children aging out of the system.

For more information about Community Solutions visit www.CSServices.co or call 757-461-5098.

by Mike Terkeltaub,
Community Solutions Director of Project Development

   
Much of my inspiration as I continue to support children and families comes from stories of resiliency.  Many of the books on this list are these types of books.
 
“The Pact” is this type of book.  “The Pact” is the story of three young men figuring out life as teenagers.  They make a pact to become doctors even though the odds are long.
 
“An Unquiet Mind” is this type of book.  Kay Redfield Jamison’s journey as a survivor of mental illness is inspiring.
 
“It Gets Better” is this type of book.  Dan Savage and Terry Miller write a terrific book supporting young people in the LGBTQ community and calling for a stop to bullying.
 
I hope folks pass this list along and send me books I should add to this collection.

•  “Three Little Words” by Ashley Rhodes Courter

• "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids" by Dr. Laura Markham
• “It Gets Better” by Dan Savage and Terry Mille
• “An Unquiet Mind” by Kay Redfield Jamison
• “Ask Elizabeth” by Elizabeth Berkley (a fabulous book for young women by  one of  the stars of “Saved by the Bell”  
• “The Pact” by Doctors Davis, Jenkins and Hunt
• “The Heart Knows Something Different: Teenage Voices From the Foster Care System” by Youth Communications
  
•  “Hope’s Boy” by Andrew Bridge
  
•  “Dear Bully” edited by Hall and Jones
  
• “Please Stop Laughing at Me” and “Please Stop Laughing at Us” by Jodee Blanco
  
• “Three Cups of Tea” by Greg Mortenson
  
• “Life in Prison” by Stanley “Tookie” Williams, Cottman and Stevens (Stanley Williams was a founding member of the Crips who devoted his life in prison to writing. 
  
• “What’s Going On” by Nathan McCall
  
• “Finding Fish: A Memoir” by Fisher and Rivas
  
• ”A Child Called It”, “The Lost Boy” and “A Man Named Dave” by David Pelzer
  
• “The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein (A remarkable children’s book with a great life lesson)
  
• “Everything is Normal Until Proven Otherwise” By Karl Dennis and Ira Lourie (If I could only read one thing about Wraparound)
  
• “Building Systems of Care: A Primer” (If I could only read one thing about Systems of Care.  A technical “how-to” book)
  
• “Chicken Soup” edited by Canfield and others (I pull any of the “Chicken Soup books out when I need a boost.)
  
• Any journal or sketch book brings joy and learning for children, families and professionals.
  

 
There are so many other books out there that build on resiliencies while teaching “professionals” how to support children, families and communities.  I look forward to learning about them from you.
 
Have a great time reading!

Mike

Don’t let stress and worry hurt your health this holiday season. While ‘tis the season to be merry, for many of us, it’s also ‘tis the season for stress, anxiety and angst. During this time of year, people often resort to bad habits—this may come in the form of overspending, eating poorly, drinking too much or even lack of sleep.
To help you have a happy season, here are 10 tips to relieve holiday stress.

1. Be realistic. The holidays don't have to be perfect or just like last year. You don’t have to be everywhere or break the bank. In addition, as families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose what to hold on to, and be open to new ideas.
2. Stick to a budget. This can be a big area of frustration. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford – or want to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness with gifts.
3. Learn to say no. We don’t have to be all and do all. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can't participate in every project or activity.
4. Get moving. Keep or set regular time to exercise. Research shows that physical activity not only boosts your fitness and energy levels but can also elevate your moods. In addition, exercise has been found to reduce anger, tension, fatigue and confusion. Despite the many demands on your time, this is not the season to stop exercising.
5. Keep healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt.
6. Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm like talking a walk, reading a book, or an extra-long shower.
7. Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, parties, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. This will help you feel more in control of your schedule and give you time you need for your family or yourself.
8. Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Also, check in to volunteering your time to help others. It’s a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.
9. Be generous. One of the best ways to stay calm, content and cheerful this time of year is to act generously with your loved ones, co-workers and friends. This doesn’t mean spending money either. You can be generous with your compliments, smiles, hugs and time. You can generously offer to do a loved one’s dreaded errand, offer a hug to a friend in need or help your friends and family wrap presents.  
10. Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints. If you are unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, or unable to face routine chores that lasts longer than you think is okay, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.
    

Community Solutions offers programs for youth, adults and families.  Give us a call for more information. (757)461-5098